All of us enter into this world vulnerable and completely dependent. Before leaving His presence, our spirit man said ‘yes' to everything that we must face on earth. Filled with His presence, completely surrendered and dependent upon God, YHVH, we start our journey.
Our first days are humble and thankful ones, because everyone has to help us and take care of us. We grow up and become more and more independent. Daily our strength increases, until we are completely in control, feeling confident and having faith in ourselves. Self-centered, self-ability, self-seeking, ....... these are the fruits we carry. The stronger we become - the further we are from God.
But the wheels of the world and time keeps on turning. Things happen to you and you begin to realize that life was meant to be lived in another way - God's way.
Not the way of the world, but living the way of the Spirit.
This way is different from the self-way. It is a way of total dependence on Him, being completely surrendered to Him and living from oneness with Yeshua.
We came into the world very humble and dependent - and I see how we leave this world once again being very humble and dependent.
We just came back from a trip and found my mom very sick in hospital. She has a virus in her bones - eating at her - having already lost a part of her finger. Today is her 6th time in theatre.
I sit next to her bed, working. She speaks, but the strong pain and antibiotic medicines make her sometimes confused.
She wakes up and speaks to me in a soft gentle voice.
“Please can you help me? Thank you very, very much”.
The next time she opens her eyes, it is the same, “Please can you help me, thank you very, very much for helping me, and being here for me”.
I hear my Abba, “Retah, the wheels of life keep on turning. And as man comes closer to Me, they die in self. The more they die to self - the deeper the levels of My presence that they will experience. My heart is that My children spend all their days in My presence - that they would walk and have their being in My presence. This is the way to continuously live deeper and deeper in Me. Deeper in Me - this means that the measure that they die to self is the measure that they will enter into the deeper levels of My presence. In Me you can only enter with a humble heart, dependent on Me and completely surrendered and at peace”.
I look at my mom sleeping. She is 73 and prepares for the last run of her life.
“You see Retah, she is ready to come to Me anytime. She is in My arms and completely surrendered. It is where deep calls unto deep - where you yield yourself to Me. It is effortless.” I look at her again - how she thanks everyone that helps her, how she makes it a priority to bless them all and pray for them - even though she is so sick. I can see life is not about her anymore - it is about giving and representing Him.
‘To give is better than to receive’. My mom is still giving, even though she is so sick.
The Spirit of the Fear of the Lord came over me in a very strong way. Tears flooded my eyes. I looked again at my mom - but through different eyes. “Your mom might look weak on the outside, but she is very strong in her spirit. The more the flesh gets out of the way, the stronger the spirit becomes. The Fear of the Lord is upon her - and that is a protecting shield over her. You all need the Spirit of the Fear of the Lord - even to protect you from yourself! Retah, make the Fear of the Lord the foundation of every step you take. I sit and tears fall freely on my laptop - don't try to be strong My child - only surrender!”
She is so weak of all the anaesthetics and medicines - but a little smile is always coming out of her eyes. I experience the fullness of His love as I look at her. I see how love heals. His love heals her - and when she speaks - it is as if she is completely healed. “Yes, she is - because the more you look into My eyes and walk with Me, the more your spirit gets healed, and intimacy with Me is always accompanied with power of revelation and understanding. These qualities are so powerful, many a times beyond what you can currently comprehend. Life is not only about the body Retah! First the spirit, then the soul, then the body.”
Lord, this is truly an up-side down Kingdom.
“Yes, you are right My child. I would rather let a poor man, or a dependent man, a sick man, or a surrendered man speak with a broken and contrite heart from a place of Love saying, 'I love You Yeshua' - than from an educated man with pride to come and live from the depths of My presence.”
I stare in silence at my mom, but my heart cries out loudly, “Abba, Abba please teach me Your ways and help me to walk on the path that leads to the Fear of the Lord. Reveal any vile thing inside of me so that I can walk in Your everlasting way.”
I hear My Abba say, “Cut yourself, your mom and your family loose from the generation Luciferian mind control center. You have prayed so many prayers, but still you have not cut yourself loose from this generational control center”. I sat right there and asked Holy Spirit to help me. I prayed and prayed.
She opened her eyes later and said, “I saw Yeshua in the room with us”.
Humbly I packed up my things. Time to go home. Always good to be in the presence of the humble - because there you will experience His presence!
Some days are good, and some days are less good.
This is truly the School of the Spirit - where we learn firsthand with Holy Spirit.
But in all - He is with us.
Love to you all.
Retah and family